Your life, your rules

How boundaries transform everything

When I first became a mother, I felt like my life was a never-ending series of demands. My time, my energy, my focus—even my body—were all being pulled in every direction, leaving me exhausted and stretched thin. I wanted to give my daughter everything, but focusing entirely on her needs meant constantly overlooking my own. Then one day, I came across the idea of setting gentle limits in parenting. It was a completely foreign concept to me, as I’d grown up with strict prohibitions—limits, yes, but not the gentle kind.

Still, as a millennial parent determined to do things differently (shout out to all the moms and dads who know what I’m talking about), I was willing to give it a try. Slowly, I began setting gentle, empathetic boundaries with my daughter. Before long, I realised that I was more present and less stressed in our interactions, and I also saw that these boundaries were helping build trust and respect between us.

This was my introduction to boundaries. Once I saw how powerful they could be in my relationship with my daughter, I started wondering what boundaries could do in my adult relationships. Slowly, I began experimenting with boundaries in friendships, at work and even with family members. Setting limits like these was new and a bit uncomfortable at first, but it turned out to be a game changer. Instead of pushing people away, boundaries brought us closer by creating mutual respect and reducing misunderstandings.

If you are here reading this, chances are you have been on a similar journey of discovering the power (and challenges) of boundaries. Maybe, like I was, you are a little unsure of where to begin. So let’s dig into why boundaries are essential and how to start setting them in ways that nurture your own well-being and build better relationships with others.

What are boundaries and why do we need them?

At their core, boundaries are about protecting our energy and choosing how we spend our time, attention and emotional resources. Setting limits doesn’t mean you’re shutting people out. Rather, it’s about establishing clear guidelines that allow you to thrive and be your best self while fostering healthier, more respectful connections.

Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist and author known for her work on boundaries, defines them as “the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” When we’re mindful about our boundaries, we’re saying, “This is what I need, this is what I can give, and this is what I won’t tolerate.” It’s a powerful way to honour our own needs without sacrificing our relationships. Instead of spreading ourselves thin, boundaries give us space to focus on what truly matters and avoid burnout.

The six types of boundaries
(and why they’re important)

Boundaries come in different forms, each serving a distinct purpose. Here are six types of boundaries to consider in your own life:

1.  Physical boundaries: these relate to your personal space, privacy, and physical comfort. It’s okay to let others know when you need space or don’t want physical touch.

2.  Emotional boundaries: emotional boundaries protect your feelings and emotional energy. They involve being clear about what you will share and what kind of emotional support you’re available to provide.

3.  Time boundaries: time boundaries allow you to manage your schedule and say “no” to commitments that don’t align with your priorities. They help you reserve time for what’s truly important to you.

4.  Intellectual boundaries: these boundaries safeguard your beliefs and opinions, allowing for respectful discussions and an appreciation of differences.

5.  Material boundaries: material boundaries involve your physical belongings and financial resources. Setting limits around lending items or money is perfectly okay to avoid feelings of resentment.

6.  Energetic boundaries: these boundaries protect your mental and emotional energy by limiting exposure to draining people or situations. They help you remain grounded and recharged.

Understanding these different types of boundaries helped me see my relationships in a new light. Each type plays a role in our overall well-being and helps us stay centered and resilient. When you know what types of boundaries are available to you, it becomes easier to communicate your needs.

Common challenges and how to overcome them

Setting boundaries can feel daunting, especially if you’re a natural “yes” person or you have a people pleasing tendency. Here are a few common challenges and some ways to work through them:

Challenge 1: saying “no” feels uncomfortable or even scary.

Alternative : reframe “no” as a way to make space for your own needs. You are not rejecting others; you are simply respecting your own limits.

Challenge 2: you feel selfish prioritising yourself.

Alternative: remind yourself that self-care isn’t selfish. Caring for yourself actually makes you more available and present for others.

Challenge 3: boundaries weren’t modelled in your life, so you don’t know where to start.

Alternative: give yourself permission to experiment and learn. Boundaries are a skill that takes practice, and every small step is progress.

Remember, setting boundaries is a journey, and each step forward is a victory. It’s okay to start small, maybe by practicing a gentle “no” or by carving out a few minutes of “me time” each day.

Why boundaries are key to mental, emotional and physical health

Without healthy boundaries, we’re constantly pulled in every direction, usually at the expense of our own well-being. When we don’t set limits, we may find ourselves carrying emotional baggage that isn’t ours or feeling drained by obligations we didn’t want in the first place. Boundaries offer us the freedom to focus on our goals without unnecessary stress or the weight of other people’s expectations.

As I learned through my own healing journey, boundaries help us connect with others more deeply. When we’re clear about our needs, we reduce the misunderstandings and frustrations that often arise in relationships. People don’t have to guess what we want or worry about overstepping. And, just as importantly, we protect our own mental and emotional health, giving ourselves the energy and space we need to show up fully for our lives. 

A journey worth sharing

Boundaries may take time to develop and they might not always feel easy, but they’re worth every ounce of effort. In a world that often expects us to say “yes” to everything, choosing to prioritise ourselves is an act of self-respect and self-love. I hope this post has sparked some inspiration for you to explore what boundaries might look like in your own life and encouraged you to share this with someone who could benefit from discovering the power of setting limits.

As you reflect on your own boundaries, remember that every small step you take is progress. You are worth it!